# NetHack 5.0  epitaph.txt       $NHDT-Date: 1596498241 2020/08/03 23:44:01 $  $NHDT-Branch: NetHack-3.7 $:$NHDT-Revision: 1.4 $
# Copyright (c) 2015 by Pasi Kallinen
# NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details.
# Epitaphs for random headstones. Lines starting with "#" are ignored.

# Misc epitaphs, many of them from vanilla.
"Oh, honey... I missed you!" she said, and fired again.
%p, killed by an ambush, while reading a gravestone
(This space for sale)
...and they made me engrave my own headstone too!
0xdeadd00d
1994-1995. The Longest-Lived Hacker Ever
A good dog. Took "play dead" far too literally though.
A masochist is never satisfied.
AFK
Adapt.  Enjoy.  Survive.
Adventure, hah!  Excitement, hah!
After this, nothing will shock me
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
Aging is not so bad.  The real killer is when you stop.
Ain't I a stinker?
Al's Mortuary -- You kill 'em, we chill 'em
Alas, poor Yorick!
Algernon
All else failed
All hail RNG
All shall join me one day
All those who trod on my grave shall be cursed evermore.
All's well that ends well
Alone at last!
Am I having fun yet?
And all I wanted was a free lunch
And don't give me that innocent look either!
And everyone died.  Boo hoo hoo.
And so it ends?
And so... it begins.
And sometimes the bear eats you.
And then 'e nailed me 'ead to the floor!
And they said it couldn't be done!
Another lost soul
Another one bites the dust.
Any day above ground is a good day! I don't have any good days.
Anybody seen my head?
Anyone for deathmatch?
Anyone wanna switch places?
Anything for a change.
Anything that kills you makes you ... well, dead
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Apparently, you *can't* kill huge fierce green dragons with your bare hands.
Applaud, my friends, the comedy is finished.
Are unicorns supposedly peaceful if you're a virgin?  Hah!
Are we all being disintegrated, or is it just me?
Are you irritable, tired, depressed of life? Keep it up!
Arrested by the Keystone Kops. Permanently.
At last... a nice long sleep.
At least I'm good at something
At least now we know what that button did. I will try THIS button--
Attempted suicide
Audi Partem Alteram
Back in MY day we didn't have these fancy headstones; we had cairns and we liked 'em!
Be careful, or this could happen to you!
Be prepared
Beauty survives
Been here.  Now gone.  Had a good time.
Been through Hell, eh?  What did you bring me?
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Beg your pardon, didn't recognize you, I've changed a lot.
Being dead builds character
Beloved daughter, a treasure, buried here.
Best friends come and go....  Mine just die.
Better luck next time
Beware of Discordians bearing answers
Beware of Electric Third Rail
Bloody Hell...
Bloody barbarians!
Blown upward out of sight: He sought the leak by candlelight
Bought the farm
Brains... Brains... Fresh human brains...
Bulk deals on gravestones - Die today!
Buried the cat.  Took an hour.  Damn thing kept fighting.
Burninated
But I disarmed the trap!
Call me if you need my phone number!
Can I get a turn undead over here?
Can YOU fly?
Can you believe that thing is STILL moving?
Can you come up with some better ending for this?
Can you give me mouth to mouth, you just took my breath away.
Can't I just have a LITTLE peril?
Can't eat, can't sleep, had to bury the husband here.
Caution! This grave contains toxic waste
Chaos, panic and disorder.  My work here is done.
Check enclosed.
Check this out!  It's my brain!
Chivalry is only reasonably dead
Closed for inventory
Coffin for sale.  Lifetime guarantee.
Come Monday, I'll be all right.
Come on!  What kind of watchmen arrest someone by killing them?
Complain to one who can help you
Confess my sins to god?  Which one?
Cooties?  Ain't no cooties on me!
Could somebody get this noose off me?
Could you check again?  My name MUST be there.
Could you please take a breath mint?
Couldn't I be sedated for this?
Couldn't think with portals.
Courage is looking at your setbacks with serenity
Cover me, I'm going in!
Crash course in brain surgery
Cross my fingers for me.
Curses, foiled again!
Dead again?  Pardon me for not getting it right the first time!
Dead and loving every moment!
Dead grasping arms erupt from the ground and seize you!  --More--
Decapitated by Medusa -- Head, Stoned.
Dear wife of mine.  Died of a broken heart, after I took it out of her.
Did you know that death rays bounce?
Died from not forwarding a chain letter to 10 people
Died when this very tombstone fell and crushed his head
Dig here for a wand of wishing.
Dig up this stone to find the secret passage to level 22
Do not open until Christmas
Do not write anything on my tombstone except my name.
Don't be daft, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-
Don't forget to stop and smell the roses
Don't let this happen to you!
Don't mind me, just rolling in my grave.
Don't tread on me!
Don't you DARE fashion any bone weapons out of me
Dr. Samuel Reinhardt -- Office upstairs.
Dragon? What dragon?
Drawn and quartered
Dudley, killed by a newt.
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori
Eaten by a Grue
Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.
Elvis. Yes, he's really dead.
Enter not into the path of the wicked
Eris?  I don't need Eris
Eternal Damnation, Come and stay a long while!
Even the dead pay taxes (and they aren't grateful).
Every day is starting to look like Monday
Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
Every survival kit should include a sense of humor
Everybody's dead, Dave.
Everyone runs out of extra lives sometime.
Evil I did dwell;  lewd did I live
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Excuse me for not standing up.
Excuse me, I ordered the cremation.
Experience isn't everything.  First, you've got to survive.
Explore the Mazes of Menace, they said. It will be fun, they said.
Exquisite Corpse
Failed all three death saves, can you believe it?
Finally I am becoming stupider no more
Friendly reminder to confess to a priest before you end up like me.
Follow me to hell
For recreational use only.
For sale: One soul, slightly used.  Asking for 3 wishes.
For some moments in life, there are no words.
For years and years I wandered the earth, until I died and went to hell.
For you, scum; only 700,000,000 for this grave reserve.
Forget Disney World, I'm going to Hell!
Game over, man.  Game over.
Gawd, it's depressing in here, isn't it?
Genuine Exploding Gravestone.  (c) Acme Gravestones Inc.
Get back here!  I'm not finished yet...
Go Team Ant!
Go ahead, I dare you to!
Go ahead, it's either you or him.
Go away!
Go away!  I'm trying to take a nap in here!  Bloody adventurers...
Goldilocks -- This casket is just right
Gone But Not Forgotten
Gone Underground For Good
Gone away owin' more than he could pay.
Gone fishin'
Gone, but not forgiven
Good morning! I see the assassins have succeeded!
Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!
Got a life.  Didn't know what to do with it.
Grave?  But I was cremated!
Greetings from Hell - Wish you were here.
Greg the Ghoul's All Nite Diner: All you can eat, under your feet
HELP! It's dark in here....  Oh, my eyes are closed.
Ha! I NEVER pay income tax!
Have you come to raise the dead?
Having a good time can be deadly.
Having a great time.  Where am I exactly??
He always lied while on the earth and now he's lying in it
He didn't fly so good. Who wants to try next?
He died of the flux.
He died today....  May we rest in peace!
He farmed his way here
He got the upside, I got the downside.
He lost his face when he was beheaded.
He missed me first.
He waited too long
He was a simple man who died of complications
He's not dead, he just smells that way
Help! I'm trapped in a gravestone factory!
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!
Help, I can't wake up!
Here lies Patient Zero
Here lies Bob - decided to try an acid blob
Here lies Bugs Bunny. His doc couldn't figure out what was up.
Here lies Dave, killed by eating a tainted cream pie he found in a musty old chest.
Here lies Dr. Ango, discoverer of the death ray, who also discovered that it bounces.
Here lies Dudley, killed by another !&#@#& newt.
Here lies Elric, killed by touching Stormbringer
Here lies Ezekiel, age 102.  The good die young.
Here lies Garfield, who ate a pan of cursed lasagna.
Here lies Hilda, calm and placid.  Added water to the acid.
Here lies Ilene Toofar. Fell off a cliff.
Here lies Johnny Yeast.  Pardon me for not rising.
Here lies Mittens the housecat, used up his wand of undead turning (0:8).
Here lies Owen Cash, tried and failed to dine and dash.
Here lies Pinocchio
Here lies Sid, ascended... and cracked his skull on the ceiling.
Here lies The Lady's maid, died of a Vorpal Blade
Here lies Tim Burr. Smashed by a tree.
Here lies a programmer.  Killed by a fatal error.
Here lies a rogue. In the end, his last breath was stolen from him.
Here lies a troublesome necromancer. Stay dead this time.
Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and no place to go
Here lies expert gardener Pete Moss; he is now enriching the soil.
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.  Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
Here lies the left foot of Jack, killed by a land mine.  Let us know if you find any more of him
Here there be dragons
Hey, I didn't write this stuff!
Hey, get off my grave!
Hey, this isn't Arizona!
Hey, you! What year is it?
Hodie mihi, cras tibi
Hold my beer!
Hold my calls
Home Sweet Hell
Humpty Dumpty, a Bad Egg.  He was pushed off the wall.
I KNEW this would happen if I lived long enough.
I TOLD you I was sick!
I ain't broke but I am badly bent.
I ain't even mad.
I ain't old.  I'm chronologically advantaged.
I am NOT a vampire.  I just like to bite... nibble, really!
I am here.  Wish you were fine.
I am never eating cursed fortune cookies again.
I am not dead yet, but watch for further reports.
I believe them bones are me.
I came here without being consulted and I left without my consent.
I can't go to Hell.  They're afraid I'm gonna take over!
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
I didn't know tin openers were improved THAT much.
I didn't mean it when I said 'Bite me'
I died laughing
I don't know what I expected.
I don't need to unencumber myself, they're only soldiers, I've been killing soldiers, I'll be fine.
I don't wanna go!
I don't want a big chunk of rock put by my grave.
I hacked myself to death
I have all the time in the world
#"reached Mine's End": not necessarily true; sounds like "reached my end"
I have reached Mine's End
I knew I'd find a use for this gravestone!
I know my mind.  And it's around here someplace.
I like it better in the dark.
I made an ash of myself
I may rise but I refuse to shine.
I never get any either.
I rest with the knowledge that my death provides much gossip.
I said hit HIM with the fireball, not me!
I thought I could be like Adeon.  Guess not.
I thought the name "killer bees" was just hyperbole.
I told you I would never say goodbye.
I used to be amusing.  Now I'm just disgusting.
I used up all my sick days, so now I'm calling in dead.
I was hoping for a pyramid
I was killed by <illegible scrawl>
I was somebody.  Who, is no business of yours.
I was too poor to afford a proper epitaph.
I was wanted dead or alive.  Turned out it was dead.
I will not go quietly.
I wonder what deleting 'system32' does?
I'd give you a piece of my mind... but I can't find it.
I'd rather be breathing
I'd rather be reading this
I'd rather be sailing
I'll be back.
I'll bring all of you ants to justi-
I'll just hit this thing one more time, it'll die.
I'm doing this only for tax purposes.
I'm gonna make it!
I'm not afraid of Death!  What's he gonna do? Kill me?
I'm not getting enough money, so I'm not going to engrave anything useful here.
I'm not saying anything.
If a man's deeds do not outlive him, of what value is a mark in stone?
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
If you thought you had problems...
Ignorance kills daily.
Ignore me... I'm just here for my looks!
Is that all?
Is there life before Death?
Is this a joke, or a grave matter?
It happens sometimes.  People just explode.
It must be Thursday.  I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
It wasn't a fair fight
It wasn't so easy.
It's Loot, Pillage and THEN Burn...
KAABLAMM! The headstone explodes!  --More--
Killed by a black dragon -- This grave is empty
Killed by diarrhea of mouth and constipation of brain.
Knock loudly -- I'm sleeping and can't hear very well.
LEEROY JENKINS!
Last words are for wimps.
Let her RIP
Let it be; I am dead.
Let me out of here!
Let this stone be a warning to all who would trouble Minetown
Let's play Hide the Corpse
Life is NOT a dream
Little Timmy drank a potion. Now he is no more. Cause what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Look out below!
Lookin' good, Medusa.
Losing is Fun!
Made in Taiwan
Master Kaen Training Program Victim #237
Maybe if I press the key harder I'll hit for more damage next time.
Meet me in Heaven
Mistakenly performed a sword swallowing stunt with Vorpal Blade.
Move on, there's nothing to see here.
Mr. Flintstone -- Yabba-dabba-done
MumaKilled
My heart is not in this
NOT THE BEES
No one ever died from it
No!  I don't want to see my damn conduct!
Nobody believed her when she said her feet were killing her
Nope.  No trap on that chest.  I swear.
Not again!
Not every soil can bear all things
Note -- there are NO valuable items in this grave
Now I have a life
Now I lay me down to sleep... wanna join me?
Now I really am between a rock and a hard place!
Obesa Cantavit
Og friend. Og good dude. Og died. Og now food.
Oh sure, give the *gnome* a wand of death.
Oh! An untimely death.
Oh, I died.  Well, better late than never!
Oh, by the way, how was my funeral?
Ok, so the light does go off.  Now let me out of here.
On the whole, I'd rather be in Minetown
On vacation
One corpse, sans head
Oops!
Oops.
Ouch.  I hate when that happens.
Out for the night.  Leave a message.
Out to Lunch
Ow!  Do that again!
Pardon my dust.
Part of me still works.
Please don't dig me up.  I'm perfectly happy down here. -- Resident
Please, not in front of those orcs!
Postman, please note forwarding address: Gehennom, Asmodeus's Fortress, fifth lemure on the left
Pour one out for me, will ya?
Powered off.
Prepare to meet me in Heaven
Press F to pay respects
R.I.P.
RIP in pepperoni
Relax.  Nothing ever happens on the first level.
Res omnia mea culpa est
Rest In Pieces
Rest in peace
Rest, rest, perturbed spirit.
Rolling In Grave Power Generator #1357
SOLD
Second fastest draw in the West
Sent to the Shadow Realm
She died of a chest cold.
So let it be written, so let it be done!
So then I says, How do I know you're the real angel of death?
Some patients insist on dying.
Some people have it dead easy, don't they?
Some things are better left buried.
Someone set us up the bomb!
Soon ripe.  Soon rotten.  Soon gone.  But not forgotten.
Soon you'll join this fellow in hell! -- the Wizard of Yendor
Sparky -- he was a very good dog
Stole from the rich, gave to the needy; met his end when he got greedy
Stop by whenever.  I'm here all day.
Sum quod eris
Take my stuff, I don't need it anymore
Ten thousand start scummers lie at rest here, their lives tragically cut short.
Teracotta Warrior
Terminated.
Thank God I wore my corset, because I think my sides have split.
That is all
The Gods DO have a sense of humor: I'm living proof!
The Grave of the Unknown Hacker
The frog's dead.  He Kermitted suicide.
The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead.
The reports of my demise are completely accurate
The treasure is buried three spaces to the left.
There is a fine line between bravery and foolishness. Francois here crossed it.
This dungeon is a pushover
This elevator doesn't go to Heaven
This grave is empty because I was killed by a horde of cannibals
This gravestone does not indicate a bones file.
This gravestone is shareware.  To register, please send me 10 zorkmids
This gravestone provided by The Yendorian Grave Services Inc.
This gravestone provided to you by FreeStone. Please read license before continuing.
This headstone intentionally left blank.
This is NOT a secret entrance to the mole people's tunnel network
This is not an important part of my life.
This is what happens to you if you try to kill me.
This one's on me.
This side up
This grave reserved for %p
This was actually just a pit, but since there was a corpse, we filled it
This way to the crypt
Time Capsule: Do not open until T:4283852
Tone it down a bit, I'm trying to get some rest here.
Topple this headstone at your peril.
Tu quoque, Brute?
Upgrade to a mausoleum with our premium membership package
VACANCY
Virtually Alive
Wait, I was eaten by a purple worm. How did I end up in this grave?
Was I really alive, or did I just think I was?
Watch out, this whole room is an elder mimic that ate me!
We apologise for the inconvenience.
We weren't sure who this was, but we buried him here anyway
We will meet again.
Weep not, he is at rest
Welcome to Dante's.  What level please?
Welcome!
Well, at least they listened to my sermon...
Went to be an angel.
What are you smiling at?
What health care?
What pit?
What're you gonna do, stab me?
When I said I'd rather die free than live a slave, I was being rhetorical.
When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers.
When we said "get the point?" that didn't mean to stand on the dart trap.
Where e'er you be let your wind go free.  Keeping it in was the death of me!
Where's my refund?
Who would've thought coffins are this comfy?
Wish you were here!
Wizards are wimps
Worms at work, do not disturb!
Would you mind moving a bit?  I'm short of breath down here.
Ya really had me going baby, but now I'm gone.
Yea, it got me too
Yet another pathetic follower of %d
You asked me if it would kill me to be civil...well, now you know.
You said it wasn't poisonous!
You should see the other guy.
Your thoughts and prayers aren’t with me. I would know.

# Monty Python
Always look on the bright side of life.
Worse things happen at sea, you know.
Life is quite absurd, and Death's the final word.
You come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!
Ex-Adventurer
Just pining for the fjords.
I'm not dead, I'm just resting.
Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
First shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin...
'Tis but a flesh wound!
All right, we'll call it a draw!
Come back here!  I'll bite your bloody knees off!

# They Might Be Giants
Alas, my murdered remains are incapable of learning anything
Hold my cold dead hand for a bit?
I will never say the word "procrastinate" again
I'll lay me down, down in the dark, the dark and sad, sad empty room
If it wasn't for disappointment, I wouldn't have any appointments
My plan was to live forever, or die trying.
Now it's over, I'm dead, and I haven't done anything that I want
The grave is the loneliest place
The statue got me high
We die alone, we die afraid, we live in terror, we're naked and alone
We'll be encased in gold, desiccated and old, when the lights come on

# Lovecraft
That is not dead which may eternal lie.

# copied or mildly edited from splicehack
This is all part of my evil plan!
4.5 stars, would live again
Sure is dark in here.
Hindsight is 20/20
Hey, who turned out the lights?
Does anyone read these?
Hopes and Dreams
Don't let my death be in vain.
For sale by owner
That's it?
"Zombie life insurance" isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I shall walk here again.
No fair.
Onward to the next adventure!
Doh!
Don't you know it's rude to walk on someone else's grave?
How could the elves do this to me?
Here lies Jade, her debt to a shopkeeper finally paid.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
This guy didn't pay enough to have his name on the headstone.
Here lies Brock, killed by a falling rock.
Amulet? More like choker!
Been Here.  Now Gone.  Had a Good Time.
From dust I came, and to dust I have returned.
Here lies a hero named Theseus, he was struck in the trapezius.
Here lies Astolfo the knight, whose fault was never to run from a fight.
Here lies Tim Burr, whose final act was to chop down a tree.

# Spongebob Squarepants
Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen -- He was #1

# Gunnerkrigg Court
Jeanne -- She died and we did nothing

# Discworld
I ATEN'T DEAD
Edward d'Eath - Gonne from this world
Morturi Nolumus Mori

# 2001: A Space Odyssey
I can feel it.  My mind.  It's going.  I can feel it.

# Narnia
Though under Earth and throneless now I be, yet while I lived all Earth was under me

# Pet Sematary
Smucky: He was Obediant.

# The Enigma of Amigara Fault
This is my hole! It was made for me!

# 1984
We are the dead.

# Hamlet
To sleep, perchance to dream, aye, there's the rub.

# Oregon Trail
Tried to get to Oregon. Died of dysentery.

# The Walking Dead
DON'T DEAD OPEN INSIDE

# Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style.
Taking a year dead for tax reasons

# Ghostbusters
I ain't afraid of no ghosts!

# Princess Bride
I'm only mostly dead!

# Edgar Allan Poe
Here! -- here! -- it is the beating of his hideous heart!

# Kurt Vonnegut
Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt
